Tonight, I start a journey. Not unlike any other that I’ve embarked upon. In fact, it’s familiar to me…maybe too familiar. It starts with a deep desire to do what seems to be right—at least to me. To the rest of the world it may look familiar or odd. Regardless, it’s where one starts when you’re okay with pursuing what you perceive, hope and have faith for. If you’re wondering what I’m looking for or what I hope to achieve, I am too. My faith is full, my intentions are good, and if all goes well, so will be my execution. So where do I think my journey is taking me? It all has to do with obedience.

Obedience defined is “the act of obeying; dutiful or submissive behavior with respect to another person; the trait of being willing to obey.” Interesting. I hadn’t noticed this before now. Obedience requires a willingness to obey. The willingness would suggest that it requires the interaction between two people, or as the definition expresses, respect of another person. So I suppose that this isn’t about me being obedient for the sake of obedience. This process is about my willingness to submit my behavior to another.

As I grow older, I’ve noticed that my behavior has slipped into a pattern of following my desires…often prompted by padding my own comfort zone or personal preferences. It could be about how I’m going to: plan my day, spend my time, eat right OR wrong, exercise or not, flip the channel…or not, the list could go on. However, I’m turning 30 in just a few months.

It seems that the idea of doing what I want is becoming more and more ridiculous as it relates to God’s plan and purposes in my life. Overall, I’ve lived a good portion of my life in 80% obedience. And at most times, I thought that was good enough. Haven’t we all? I think that we all can point back to a moment, even today, that we decided to do what we wanted rather than what we knew we should do. Where do we get the balls to do that? How have I/we been so convinced in our own ways that there are no consequences for our wrongful and disobedient actions? Do we think we are above the Word that declares that we will reap what we sow. Maybe. Just maybe we’ve lost sight of something. I find that in these times, my faith and expectation are at a low point. I see God. He’s all around, but am I really expecting Him to do something in my life? Do I dare have faith for that?

So the question remains: Do I dare have faith for that? For what? Something. Something I can’t see but can only believe in. Honestly, that thought perplexes me but what else do I have? I’m at a place in life where my basic needs are met and I don’t need to worry about tomorrow. God has already provided. But what I do worry about, is what will happen tomorrow if I am not obedient today. So now we’re back to obedience.

In Daniel 5:7, Daniel talks about being “weighed in the balance, and found wanting.” The Message states it a little more simply: “You’ve been weighed in the scales and you don’t weigh much.” Who wants that report? I don’t. And so you have found the purose and passion behind my journey.

My hope and prayer is that for the next 30 days, this is a daily occurence for me. I want to establish a discipline of writing my thoughts down in a way that expresses what often times can’t be verbalized. I believe that God has a plan for me larger than anything I could ever imagine. I’m at the beginning of my journey. I hope you find yours along the way.

PRAYER:
Lord, Your ways are mysterious and often times hidden from me. you know that I am eager to know the plans that you have for me. Often times I want to rush and get ahead which leads to more frustrations than peace. So today i ask for your forgiveness and plead that you meet me here, right now, in a fresh and mysterious way. I’m asking that you pour out something in and through me that even I don’t recognize. I don’t want new wine in an old wineskin. I ask for the new. — I pray that you would give me the discipline and the strength to commit to my process…through victories and set backs, I pray that my faith and hopes would remain high and focused on what you can do through me, not what I can do on my own. Father, forgive me for my pride. Forgive me for my arrogance to think that my ways are better than yours. I only want what’s best and I rest in knowing that it’s FULLY you. — Give me the strength to know what I believe, stand on what I know and live fully alive in you. I want to be your friend. I want to know you closer than a brother.
Forever yours–me.