Kyle Chowning

Fast lane

Posted on 26. Sep, 2006 by Kyle in Miscellaneous

It’s been a fun, busy and exhilarating couple of months. Quite frankly, I’m not sure that I could have had the imagination or expectation to even ask for what’s come my way in the past few months. It’s been good. It’s been life defining. What?

From August 5-September 13 I embarked on a journey through a 40-day fast. In typical God-fashion, it wasn’t at all what I expected. So what did I expect? Honestly, I wanted it to be a spiritual high that would take me soaring. I expected that because of my sacrifice, God would have to do something to reward me. Yeah. He did something. The best word to describe that is REFINEMENT.

Refine defined means: remove impurities or unwanted elements from (a substance). Or, my favorite is, improve (something) by making small changes, in particular make (an idea, theory, or method) more subtle and accurate. In case you didn’t catch the details here, this word is a verb, which requires action from the root. When you add the removal of impurities with making small changes, what you get is a process and “product” that becomes more “accurate.” When you’re talking about the human soul, this isn’t easy and it’s certainly isn’t what anybody would call a spiritual “high.”

Looking back is always fun. In the midst you wonder; in hindsight you begin to see clearly. What I noticed and learned most is that God really isn’t all that concerned with what I am when I get done, it’s what I do between here, and there. It’s a cliché that has been known and declared for ages, but somehow it doesn’t really stick with us. What I wanted was something completely different than I got, yet looking back, I got exactly what I wanted. At the beginning of the fast, I asked for only one thing: that I would truly know Him closer than a brother. I’ve read that intimacy is created in conflict. If that is true, and I believe it so, than God and I are best friends. I am thankful. I’d do it again.

From a physical standpoint, the part that everybody seems most interested in (ironically), I lost 29lbs during the fast. And no, I wasn’t really hungry. After about 3-4 days, the hunger subsides and the bodies’ ability to refocus its source of energy is pretty amazing. I can remember a half-dozen times during the fast that my mood was altered (meaning I got pissed off) because I was so hungry, but that and other things became my calling card to spend more time with Him.

So what did I really learn? This relationship with Christ really isn’t as hard as I make it out to be. He’s generally pleased with me and isn’t concerned if I spend 5 or 50 minutes with Him today. Think of it like a personal friendship. When your friend calls and says that they need to talk with you, unless you continually blow it off, they won’t purposefully withhold the information from you if you don’t immediately drop what you’re doing and listen. In fact, even if it was that urgent, wouldn’t it be expected that they would find some other way to get your attention? Scream, yell, throw something at you, hit you…something, right! Then where is the theology that if we are distracted and God needs us that we’ll “miss it” if we don’t drop everything? Again, there’s timing, but the friendships I know would give me grace for my inability to fully be “on” all the time. “If my father (friends) know how to give me good gifts, how much more will the Father give” applies here. If my friends give me grace, how much more can I expect the Father to give me grace? A heck of a lot.

When the Bible says that He’ll never leave or forsake me, it simply means that He’s just, there. It’s only our sin that makes us feel far and that’s why He calls us to rapid repentance. The buildup of sin is like building a wall. The longer you go without dealing with it, the bigger the wall seems. Remember sin is authored and offered by Satan, so when we participate in it his plan will be to distract and eventually remove us from relationship with Christ. The next time you feel far away, remember that it’s just a ploy to mess with your emotions. You can’t trust them (your emotions or Satan). You simply have to know better.