Does this kid come with a manual?

I’ve always heard people say that having kids will teach you patience and humility, but I don’t recall being warned about random bouts of screaming, whining, food-rejection, excessive crying when you don’t get your way and triple-threat diapers (where your kid craps their pants more than the expected one-to-two times a day). When you add it all up, it can leave you feeling like you’ve lost your mind and are completely out of control. It’s here that you have irrational thoughts like…

“I can’t parent. I can’t even get my daughter to eat a piece of chicken.”

“I don’t know how to stop that.” (staring at my two-month old son screaming so hard that his face is beet red and his cry has turned into a rhymthymic chant.)

It would be really easy to play victim here, but I think I have a bigger lesson to learn than my kids do.

Control.

In the moments when everything feels completely out of control (like tonight), it’s then that I realize how much I’ve created an environment and dependence upon control. When it’s not there, I confess that I can get really agitated. The problem with my control-dependence is that it creates a false sense of security and the real me stays hidden because it’s rarely challenged.

While I didn’t do anything I regret tonight, I can’t say that about my attitude. When I have a 20-month old that is watching and mimicking my every move, the last thing I need to model is a bad attitude because I didn’t get my way. Come to think of it, that is exactly the reason why I disciplined her tonight.

Consider this a spiritual smack on the ass—ouch.

Stephanie

That's awesome! I totally feel you on this! So many of us are in same boat together and these are words of wisdom!
http://ashbylane.vox.com Jim

Right there with you Kyle. I've been trying to train myself to accept regular doses of being challenged when it comes to ideas (which is ultimately control)….tough medicine. Never tastes good going down.

http://intensedebate.com/people/chownage Chownage

Quite frankly, it tastes horrible. However, like you, I'm up for the challenge!

http://www.legacy-continues.blogspot.com misi

Oh yes this all sounds very familiar Kyle… Trust me tho it DOES get easier.
-Misi
your wife

The good news is that we get to do this together! You are an amazing father, and your desire to learn and grow with our children are inspiring.
http://intensedebate.com/people/chownage Chownage

Thanks babe!
Kathleen

Glad to know I'm not the only one who gauges my success some evenings on "did I lose control or not?" When our Avery would get red in the face as an infant, we penned that "baby jack jack" from the Incredibles. I'd say to Michael on the phone, "She's going Jack-Jack on me," and he understood exactly the gravity of the situation.
There's nothing more revealing than having my toddler behave in ways that are undoubtedly learned– the huge, exaggerated huffing and puffing when something doesn't go right. I see her do it and think, "do I look that ridiculous when I don't get my way?" But God is so good. In the same way that I've become so attentive to praising my girls when I notice good behavior, I'm noticing it in myself and my husband too, and I must admit, I have no shame in praising myself when I've had a good day. Sometimes I even earn a special treat

http://intensedebate.com/people/chownage Chownage

I can't imagine what TWO at the same age was like. Thanks for the encouragement and support. Here's to a good day!

http://justthreebites.blogspot.com Sam

Welcome to the joys of parenthood. I wish I could say it gets easier..it does on some levels but they will always challenge your patience, just with better vocabulary skills

It takes a good Dad to recognize what you did today.
http://intensedebate.com/people/chownage Chownage

Thanks Sam. Tough lessons but I'm up for the challenge.
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