Just to update everyone:

* Landscaping
* Mechanical inspection
* Plumbing re-inspection
* Final inspection - receipt of Certificate of Occupancy
* Close on the house
* Move In (anticipating 12/1-12/4)
* Install carpet
* Installation of screens on porch
* Installation of shoe molding on wood floors
* Installation of gas meter
* Electrical inspection
* Install fence in backyard
* Last coat of poly on wood floors

Ahh. It feels good to be home.

Sittin’ in the middle of my day feeling totally overwhelmed. Admittedly, this is when I want to procrastinate the most.

Over the past few months, life has been more challenging than I could have anticipated and quite frankly, the stress of it all is getting to me. Kristy was kind enough to help me realize that my reactions towards just about anything lately seem to be met with more frustration and unsightly irritability; something that is out of character for me. Why? I don’t think it really matters. There are any number of things that contribute to this state of mind. However, I’ve come to realize that often times, I use these situations as an excuse to “own” my harsh attitude.

In analyzing this over the past week or so, I think I’ve narrowed it down to self-centeredness. You know, that part of you that thinks you should get what you want, when you want it. I find that this comes out in funny and sometimes nonobvious ways. I see it in my diet…which is largely uncontrolled (yet I hate the weight I’ve gained over the past year); in my spending (motivated by some belief that I deserve whatever I want); or the taboo subject of sex and marriage. Listen, I’ll own up to the fact that after almost eight years of marriage, I’ve essentially stopped “dating” my wife, stopped wooing her through random and thoughtful acts of love and yet I expect that when I surprise her with my intentions, she’d jump at the idea like we just got married yesterday. Who am I kidding! (In fairness to my lovely, I will say that although I’ve become a bit of a romantic dud, she gives me a lot of grace and we enjoy a healthy marriage, both physically and mentally.) What I’m referring to are the moments when I want sex now and at that moment. It also comes out on the road when driving, when trying to pick up a piece of furniture and the clerk won’t ring me out even though they closed 45 minutes ago or when I’ve been told that I can’t buy something RIGHT NOW (like an iPhone that I really don’t need and I question whether I want it anyway). All of these, bring out this nasty irritability and I react in ways that can often be summed up by saying, “do it now and if you don’t, you obviously don’t understand what I’m going through right now!” Yeah, it’s ugly. Really ugly; and I haven’t even told you how it affects the people closest to me.

So why do I bring this up here? In a sense, this is my confession and my accountability. I’m sorry to all of those people I don’t even know that I’ve lashed out to in my own frustrations. It was never about you or our shared situation, it was about how I projected other frustrations onto our moment. You all deserve better.

I’m reminded that Jesus came to serve, not be served. I pray that in all I do, I will come ready serve, not be served.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit distant form the corporate spiritual climate in our city and church. I’m not talking about feeling disconnected to friends or the vision, but the passion and drive that pushes you from observation to activation. That’s been missing. It’s lack has been bugging me for quite some time…until today.

This morning at church, our pastor,Dale Evrist, gave a prophetic word that nailed me to the core. He said:

There is a deception of being overwhelmed that’s purpose is to isolate you from what God is doing in and around. It’s a lie and we can’t give Satan room with it.

Ever have one of those moments where you aren’t quite sure how to describe what you’re feeling but someone says something and it wraps it up perfectly? Yeah, when he said that today, I was convicted. That was me. Key phrase, WAS.

Interestingly, one of the definitions that dictionary.com uses to define “overwhelmed” is:

To defeat completely and decisively:

DEFEAT! Who knew that when I was talking about being overwhelmed, I was actually declaring that I’ve been defeated. There’s power in my words and I too often declare that I’m “overwhelmed.” Now it’s clear to me why this is a deception. Jesus promises to give us everything we need. In fact, His grace is sufficient for today.

But this doesn’t stop with my spiritual pursuit. I find that I used my business, our transition, Britt’Knee’s story and arrival (or lack thereof), social calendar…just about everything to isolate me from participating in personal and corporate worship. Those things that bring me closer to Jesus and closer to people who will help me along my journey. What a crock Satan has had on me.

Note that the definition said decisively. Or better defined, calculated and on purpose. These things aren’t just flippant distractions. They are calculated and deliberate based on what Satan knows will distract me. You see, I know me best and I can tell you that all of my excuses are things that i care deeply about, but my perspective on them has been focused too much on how they affect me, rather than being focused on how those things play into God’s bigger plan and strategy.

Today, I’ve had to repent of my frequent verbal declarations of defeat. I am no longer defeated, I win. Just read the back of the Book.