Today is day 14 and day 15.

Day 14 of my fast. It’s going well…not at all hungry, just at times uncomfortable. What I mean by that is that I’m not uncomfortable with anything except the idea that I can’t eat. Yeah. Chew on that. I’m not hungry but my mind is bothered by the fact that I can’t eat. — I’ve got to figure out what all that’s about.

Day 15 of our third attempt to become pregnant in the past year. Two weeks ago today, August 4, Kristy and I did an IVF procedure to help us get pregnant. At Fertility CARE, where Kristy works, they have an approximate 70% success rate at getting pregnant through this procedure. We were hopeful; until today. At mid-morning, Kristy called to inform me that it did not work; we’re not pregnant. Of course I’m disappointed. However, it seems that we were both more prepared for this than we expected. To explain, after she called me, it seemed that we were both preparing for the liklihood that this wouldn’t take. I don’t know if you could call that protecting our expectations or simply if the Lord was spiritually preparing us; I don’t know that I’ll ever know. What I do know, and my mom said it best, whenever and whoever God decides to bring to us as our children, watch out! God’s tagged them as very special kid(s) and He’s got to have something unique and huge for them. Until then, we wait for His timing. He obviously isn’t going to let us be in control of that—AT ALL! And that’s okay. We’re still planning for a family. Whether that’s our own biological child or to rescue one of another mom and dad, we’ll love that child regardless.

Today, I’m hopeful.

This past weekend, I took a trip to Texas to see my sister, my nephew Tyler and my parents, I ended up driving back on Monday and Tuesday with an unexpected guest. Everyone, meet Maggie.

What’s funny about this is, my family and I were swimming in the pool one afternoon and I had mentioned how Kristy wanted a small little black dog. Literally, 30 minutes later, this dog peeks over the fence. After a few days, we concluded that someone likely dropped her off at the house (my parents don’t have close neighbors by any means) and that I would drive back with her and introduce her to the family.

The first picture is Maggie and the second is her sitting in the passenger seat on the way back.

ISN’T SHE CUTE!

This weekend I did what most self-employed entrepreneurs do, worked. Check out my new logo for the now, Motiv Marketing Group. Let me know what you think. I’d love some feedback.

it’s day three of motiv new media. things are going well. Everyday, I’m surprised at what comes my way. You’d think that it would be a specific type of client but it’s not. From labels, to marketing companies, to heating and cooling, to doctors offices, to who knows what’s next. I’m just surprised at what God is bringing my way…and it’s only day three.

In talking to a friend about walking through my last week at RELEVANT, i wrote this:

It’s weird and very exciting all at the same time. Honestly, God has dropped a lot into my head lately so I spend a lot of my off-time thinking about what could be. At times, that’s fun but can be equally frustrating. It’s weird when I hear myself talk about starting a small ad agency but quickly following that up with a comment/dream of starting a nonprofit too. Everything seems to be available for consideration. I’ve never dreamed like this before. It is exhilarating in a lot of ways but overwhelming too. Where do you start? What will it look like? What does God really have for my future? Am I thinking big enough; or too small; am I even on the right path? Everything is up for grabs and the details still remain unclear.

But.

I know that this is exactly where I’m supposed to be. Why? Because it keeps me relying on Him. It keeps me focused on His dreams, not my own. And its all overwhelming and a bit out of control.

I’ve heard it once said that if you’re feet are on the ground and everything seems easy, then you’re not living God’s best. If that’s true, then I’m definitely walking down the right path.

So that’s it. That’s where I’m at.

It’s been a couple of months since my last post and oh my, how things have changed. Here’s a quick run-down of all that’s happened this past couple of months:

• Got pregnant. Lost the baby, again. Exploring our options and recouping from the emotional trauma of the disappointment and stress. It sucks.

• On May 31, Kristy and I took a leap of faith; I resigned from my position at RELEVANT. My last day there is Friday, June 30.

• On July 1, Motiv New Media becomes a reality. Whether its a long-term project or a short-term gain, it is the vehicle through which I will bring revenue to my family. Check out www.motivnewmedia.com around mid-July for more information. If you need someone to help you take your online ventures to another level, contact me.

• Today I spoke with a label in Nashville about a position. Nothing is sacred. Everything is up for consideration.

• Yesterday I shaved my goatee but kept a mustache. Kristy didn’t like it. It’s gone today.

• I’m selling my truck. Want to buy an 2002 F150 Supercrew? Buy mine. As a result, I’m getting a 1998 Dodge Dakota extra cab truck at a steal (thanks mom and dad). New paint, new tires, new rims and black. Really, does it get any better.

• Yesterday I got my new toy.

• Kristy and I head to Nashville this weekend for a wedding.

• I’ve started another blog: www.makeitright.info. It’s basically my journal to understand social justice and fair trade issues. This is a growing area of interest lately and quite frankly, something I feel responsible about. Watch out world. Something is rising.

The past six to eight months have been nothing but a process for me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to share that here. But as time goes on, I hope to begin to unpack it piece by piece. In no way am I at the end of my journey. In fact, I’m still at the very beginning. I’m learning about dreams; giants; faith; trust; hope; sacrifice; disappointments; friendship; intimacy; relationships; and the list goes on. Thanks to each of you for being a part of all this. Maybe some day we’ll look back and so, “Oh! That’s what that was all about.” That would make me smile.

Today my wife came home from a short trip to San Francisco. I was happy that she was able to go and explore a new part of the country. I wish I could have been there.

Welcome home baby. After 6 days without seeing you, you are a welcome sight to a lonely husband. I love you.

This week I spent a few days in Nashville, TN at the 2006 GMA (Gospel Music Association) week. Part of that is meeting with old and new friends. Part of that is stumbling upon new bands that have potential. I found one such band. Leeland. The live show was great. The CD doesn’t give you any indication of such a powerful inperson presence. However, I believe them to be a band to keep your eye on.

Myspace.com/leelandmusic

My friends over at TripleXChurch recently tried to buy Bibles through the American Bible Society to give out to attendees at three upcoming porn shows. Ya know…the kind of people who could really use a Bible. Since the Bible was customized with their own cover art, once ABS saw that it said “Jesus Loves Porn Stars” they refused, i repeat, REFUSED to fulfill the order. I’m speachless and can’t even believe this to be true. But it is. Check out the breaking story here.