A couple of nights ago, Kristy and I stopped by a CVS to pick up a late-night beverage for our ride home. While searching for the perfect drink I decided that a pack of Reeses Pieces would perfectly complement my drink of choice. Now, I know that Reeses at 11pm isn’t the best thing for your body, but I had mentally moved past that, until…

I reached down to grab a pack of Reeses and in front of the candy isle was the cutest little three or four year old girl. She was standing there with her mom as they were getting ready to check out as well. As soon as I reached down and took the pack, I heard the little girl say, “Is that junk?” I was shocked! What did she say? I looked at her mom and she hesitantly said, “yes, it is.” Okay, seriously, this isn’t happening. I’m being called out by a three year old girl. Come on. And then she says, “isn’t that terrible?” She asked again! I stood somewhere between laughing and a bit of disbelief that I was being called out by such a little conscious. In response, I looked at her mom again and she shrugged her shoulders as if she had no other choice but to say, “Well, yes it is.” It was classic. Kristy and I left laughing and enjoying our Reeses all the way home.

It’s been a fun, busy and exhilarating couple of months. Quite frankly, I’m not sure that I could have had the imagination or expectation to even ask for what’s come my way in the past few months. It’s been good. It’s been life defining. What?

From August 5-September 13 I embarked on a journey through a 40-day fast. In typical God-fashion, it wasn’t at all what I expected. So what did I expect? Honestly, I wanted it to be a spiritual high that would take me soaring. I expected that because of my sacrifice, God would have to do something to reward me. Yeah. He did something. The best word to describe that is REFINEMENT.

Refine defined means: remove impurities or unwanted elements from (a substance). Or, my favorite is, improve (something) by making small changes, in particular make (an idea, theory, or method) more subtle and accurate. In case you didn’t catch the details here, this word is a verb, which requires action from the root. When you add the removal of impurities with making small changes, what you get is a process and “product” that becomes more “accurate.” When you’re talking about the human soul, this isn’t easy and it’s certainly isn’t what anybody would call a spiritual “high.”

Looking back is always fun. In the midst you wonder; in hindsight you begin to see clearly. What I noticed and learned most is that God really isn’t all that concerned with what I am when I get done, it’s what I do between here, and there. It’s a cliché that has been known and declared for ages, but somehow it doesn’t really stick with us. What I wanted was something completely different than I got, yet looking back, I got exactly what I wanted. At the beginning of the fast, I asked for only one thing: that I would truly know Him closer than a brother. I’ve read that intimacy is created in conflict. If that is true, and I believe it so, than God and I are best friends. I am thankful. I’d do it again.

From a physical standpoint, the part that everybody seems most interested in (ironically), I lost 29lbs during the fast. And no, I wasn’t really hungry. After about 3-4 days, the hunger subsides and the bodies’ ability to refocus its source of energy is pretty amazing. I can remember a half-dozen times during the fast that my mood was altered (meaning I got pissed off) because I was so hungry, but that and other things became my calling card to spend more time with Him.

So what did I really learn? This relationship with Christ really isn’t as hard as I make it out to be. He’s generally pleased with me and isn’t concerned if I spend 5 or 50 minutes with Him today. Think of it like a personal friendship. When your friend calls and says that they need to talk with you, unless you continually blow it off, they won’t purposefully withhold the information from you if you don’t immediately drop what you’re doing and listen. In fact, even if it was that urgent, wouldn’t it be expected that they would find some other way to get your attention? Scream, yell, throw something at you, hit you…something, right! Then where is the theology that if we are distracted and God needs us that we’ll “miss it” if we don’t drop everything? Again, there’s timing, but the friendships I know would give me grace for my inability to fully be “on” all the time. “If my father (friends) know how to give me good gifts, how much more will the Father give” applies here. If my friends give me grace, how much more can I expect the Father to give me grace? A heck of a lot.

When the Bible says that He’ll never leave or forsake me, it simply means that He’s just, there. It’s only our sin that makes us feel far and that’s why He calls us to rapid repentance. The buildup of sin is like building a wall. The longer you go without dealing with it, the bigger the wall seems. Remember sin is authored and offered by Satan, so when we participate in it his plan will be to distract and eventually remove us from relationship with Christ. The next time you feel far away, remember that it’s just a ploy to mess with your emotions. You can’t trust them (your emotions or Satan). You simply have to know better.

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Today, being 9|11, I find myself reflective, as most, and thinking through a lot of questions: Will there ever be a winner in this war? Will there ever be an end? What is God wanting to do through all of this? Honestly, I look at what’s going on and wonder if there’s some sense of abandonment that we would think that God would have with us, his people? It’s not likely, but sometimes it’s hard to see through it all. Whether it’s through a tradgedy of the World Trade Center terror, or simply the slight change of course that comes unexpected and maybe even tradgically. Where is God in all of this?

I woke up thinking of this:

“In the same way I was with Moses, I’ll be with you. I won’t give up on you; I won’t leave you. Strength! Courage! You are going to lead this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Make sure you carry out The Revelation that Moses commanded you, every bit of it. Don’t get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you’re going. And don’t for a minute let this Book of The Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you’ll get where you’re going; then you’ll succeed. Haven’t I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.” Joshua 1:6-9

For some reason, I assumed that this reference would be in the new testament. but I was wrong. This promise was given to us in Deuteronomy 31:6; back when Moses passes and Joshua was called to lead the people.

No doubt that this rise in leadership for Joshua was indeed a dark time. Why else would God come to him and say, “don’t worry, I’ve got your back.” Maybe he felt the same way I do from time to time. When all hopes rest in something we can see, it seems easier for some reason. But when that thing, person, object of affection and trust is removed, we’re left with nothing but thin air and faith. I find that it’s easier to be a Christian when I’ve set my trusts on things that provide and give opportunity for boundaries. I just get comfortable in that skin. But then change happens.

I’m reading a book that is challenging me to reflect and meditate more. Honestly, it’s a bit scary, only because I’m not sure what God would reveal to me. If He did, then I’d be responsible for carrying that out. I guess that signifies that I have great confidence that God is huge and really does see beyond my own abilities AND He cares that much for me. From time to time, I just get a little intimidated by that kind of love. It’s not familiar nor can anybody model that for me here, on earth. I just don’t find those capabilities here.

Back to reflection. Here’s what that scripture means to me:

• trust
• no matter what, it’ll be okay
• i have God promises to rely on, not humanity
• He’ll never disappoint, because hope does not (Romans 5:5—Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.)
• Even though I don’t know everything, I can rest assured. I plan my days, but the Lord orders my steps.
• He is my provider and my provision; not me, my clients, or those around me who can “do” something for me
• In my obedience, I will be in the right time and the right place, with the right people.
• When I’m on mission with Him, I can always expect his best
• if I mess up, it’s okay. He’s still pleased with me.
• He sees my purity before He sees my sin
• He does not condemn
• If my God is for me, who can be against?
• somehow in my valley’s, God will give me the strength to not be discouraged; again, somehow.
• Because He puts me in places and situations I can’t imagine, He’s already been there and is ready to order my steps. I just need to trust Him.

So today, in a world of terror, misinformation and confusion, I choose to trust.

Looking for a small business accountant. Anybody know of someone that they’d recommend?

Kyle

Hey friends. I have an issue that just came up that I need some feedback on.

Yesterday it came to my attention that there is another Motive Marketing company in the same industry/market as some of my clients. They are challenging me to change my name to avoid further confusion in the marketplace. I understand this and although there aren’t any trademark infringements that I can find, want to respect their request. I feel it’s only fair and that I’d want the same if I discovered something similar. So, I need your help and creativity. I’ve got a logo that’s already being branded and honestly, I just like it. If I can keep the “M” and company name starting with and “m” that would be great. Any suggestions?

Today is day 14 and day 15.

Day 14 of my fast. It’s going well…not at all hungry, just at times uncomfortable. What I mean by that is that I’m not uncomfortable with anything except the idea that I can’t eat. Yeah. Chew on that. I’m not hungry but my mind is bothered by the fact that I can’t eat. — I’ve got to figure out what all that’s about.

Day 15 of our third attempt to become pregnant in the past year. Two weeks ago today, August 4, Kristy and I did an IVF procedure to help us get pregnant. At Fertility CARE, where Kristy works, they have an approximate 70% success rate at getting pregnant through this procedure. We were hopeful; until today. At mid-morning, Kristy called to inform me that it did not work; we’re not pregnant. Of course I’m disappointed. However, it seems that we were both more prepared for this than we expected. To explain, after she called me, it seemed that we were both preparing for the liklihood that this wouldn’t take. I don’t know if you could call that protecting our expectations or simply if the Lord was spiritually preparing us; I don’t know that I’ll ever know. What I do know, and my mom said it best, whenever and whoever God decides to bring to us as our children, watch out! God’s tagged them as very special kid(s) and He’s got to have something unique and huge for them. Until then, we wait for His timing. He obviously isn’t going to let us be in control of that—AT ALL! And that’s okay. We’re still planning for a family. Whether that’s our own biological child or to rescue one of another mom and dad, we’ll love that child regardless.

Today, I’m hopeful.

Today is day 11 and it’s a good day. Although I’m a bit hungrier than normal, I’m realizing that my hunger is becoming a calling card to sit with the lord for a bit.

Now onto the good news of the day.

Over the past 6 weeks, I’ve been building the foundation for a new business that I launched on July 1. After a last weeks vacation, already this week, I’ve landed my first consulting contract, solidified some sales for my new promotional products division, landed two new design projects and sold my truck…and it’s only Tuesday.

I can only assume that this fast is placing me in position for god’s favor more and more everyday. Makes me wonder why life can’t be like this forever. My spiritual drive kicks into high gear simply because I’m denying food? I’ll never understand why that happens, but I believe in it 100%. Now I understand why the disciples made fasting a part of their lives. It didn’t come like holidays, it was a part of who they were and how they lived. Maybe it’s time to reassess how I’ll live my life from here on out.

And it’s only day 11.

During my 40 days, I’m reading a book called Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. Even after the first chapter, I’m challenged and perplexed at my own “will worship.” Let me explain.

Paul, in Romans, refers to sin as a condition that plagues the human race (Rom. 3:9-18). Foster writes, “Sin as a condition works its way out through the ‘bodily members,’ that is, the ingrained habits of the body.” Because we are constantly facing our own ingrained habits (sin), we as Christians, are constantly trying to work sin out of our lives. But here’s the kicker. “We want to make it quite clear that we cannot free and purify our own heart by exerting our own ‘will’ … The moment we feel we can succeed and attain victory over sin by the stregth of our will alone is the moment we are worshiping the will.” That’s our will…our drive…our own abilities. That’s when we’ve turned from God to ourselves for power and influence. “As long as we think we can save ourselves by our own will power, we will only make the evil in us stronger than ever.” — So I’m seeing some new light personally. Even in regards to the post earlier this morning, after re-reading it…I’m really relying on my absence of food to “do” something for my spiritual state. When, in fact, the needed change within us/me, is God’s work through righteousness, not our own. “We cannot attain or earn this righteousness of the kingdom of God; it is a grace that is given.

Romans 5:17 says:

For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.

The two things in this scripture that are freely given, grace and righteousness, are also two things that man cannot create. Grace can only be given by man because it’s been given to us and righteousness is deposited when we’ve made ourselves available for His inward work. It is through the disciplines that “allow us to place ourselves before God so that He can transform us.”