Shame doesn't work

I learned that shame doesn't work from two people who wanted me to use it.

The first was a boss, early in my career. He wanted me to lean on my staff harder. Call out their misses in front of the team. Make them feel it. I wouldn't do it.

The second was a pastor, years later. Same playbook, different room. Shame people into being better Christians. I wouldn't do that either.

Reality is, shame works in the short term. People perform. Numbers move. Pews fill. But it always fails in the long term. People leave. Trust erodes. The performance was real, but it had a shelf life, and when it expired, there was nothing underneath it.

That's why at ROOTS Academy, trust is the first thing we build, before technique, before talent, before any of it. A 12-year-old who doesn't feel safe won't take the risk. A student who won't take the risk won't grow. Shame, comparison, and pressure feel like motivation from the outside. From the inside of a kid, they're a signal to stop trying.

We train our staff that teaching takes a 50/50 contribution from the teacher and the student. When both show up, you get 100%. A teacher can't force it. A student can't get there on their own. Both have to show up and contribute, or it doesn't work.

That is why when a teacher breaches that trust, we don't keep them. I've fired skilled people for using shame as a teaching tool. It cost us. But it costs the student more.

Shame-based cultures breed compliance. Kids will win at all costs. Some of those costs show up years later in a counselor's office.

Trust-based cultures breed something else. Kids who know their voice matters. Who knows THEY matter. Who grow into adults willing to take risks and step out. Because what's in them can be trusted.

That's what we're actually building.