I find that my criticism is a persistent little pest. It crept up, without hesitation, too many times today. It’s apparent to me that my pride isn’t just going to go away, I’m going to have to work through it. Let’s start with…

Work

I’m a business owner. The company is now in it’s third year after celebrating the two-year mark on July 1, 2008. While this is a success in and of itself, about every three-to-four months, I get in a funk. And when I say a funk, I mean that I’m moody, dissatisfied and generally frustrated…with a lot of things. This is prime time for my criticism to step in. For some reason, it feels justified.

After going through three notable funks, I’ve only been able to conclude that I want what the “successful” guys have. I look at the “Top 30 under 30″ and my name isn’t there. I look at guys who are “making their mark” and wonder why I’m spinning my wheels. I look for “inspiration” from their blogs or the “top” whatever lists and stir in my frustration that I’m not doing a thing to reach this level. The cycle of jealously is a never ending circle that I jump into with both feet in hopes that it will spur me on to even more success. But, it never satisfies. I still get funky.

The other day, a guy stopped by my office to do some freelance work for us. After chatting a bit, I questioned his rates. I told him that he was undervaluing himself and that he needed to raise his rates. He reacted by saying, “how can I raise my rates if I’m not getting the opportunity to send a quote?”

After he left, my thoughts were arrested. How could I be so … ungrateful. At Motiveight, is seems like we are always tracking down new opportunities. Even recently, we’ve been fortunate to submit proposals to great companies like Inspiration Networks, CompuPay, Willow Creek Association and others. It was then that I realized that this guy would kill to be in my shoes and here I sat ungrateful because I don’t have what these other “successful” guys have.

CS Lewis says, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.”

OUCH!

The more I search, the more I find that pride and joy are mutually exclusive. If I want one, I have to give up the other.

Once I found out that I was going to be a dad, it seemed that parents couldn’t resist the urge to tell me how I would draw spiritual principles from watching my child grow up. I have to admit, I really liked the idea.

Over the past year, I’ve watched Savannah grow and have found myself intentionally looking for lessons to be learned. I’d like to offer dozens of insights gleaned throughout the past year, but I have nothing…until now.

Recently, I rolled a small ball to Savannah’s lap. She promptly scooped it up, held it tightly, looked at me and gave me a squishy face smile that would cause anybody to laugh out loud in response. She loved the ball, she loved the game, she loved that moment. I looked at Kristy and said, “what would life be like if we had the joy of a child.” And there it was.

It’s been weeks since then. I can’t seem to get away from it. It chases me, haunts me and tempts me to look at things differently…but I can’t; at least not yet. Best I can tell, to be that joyful requires me to see the best in everything and everybody. If I am honest, I’ve created quite a concrete perspective in looking at things critically. That’s my gift…at least I thought. Today, I learned that it’s not my gift…it’s my pride. No wonder I don’t see things like a child. Rather than looking at the fullness that life has to offer, I choose to focus on the improvements that life could bring. Where’s the joy in that?

I want, nothing more, than move beyond the criticism and into the fullness of joy. It just seems more fun.

What about you?

There’s been a lot going on lately so I thought I’d throw up a quick list of all that’s new:

• My daughter, Savannah celebrated her one-year birthday on July 17. I can’t believe how fast the past year has gone. You can see pictures here.
• We are now 16 weeks pregnant. We will have our next ultrasound at 20 weeks…somewhere around the first of September. That means, in a month we’ll know if it’s a boy or girl. I think it’s a boy.
• Kristy, Savannah and I went on vacation in Pigeon Forge, TN from July 16-22. We had a great time in the mountains. Because I come from the great Northwest, I favor the mountains. For the record, it was nice, but it wasn’t Oregon. I guess I have attachment issues.
• I haven’t posted this here, but if you know me, this isn’t news. Back in April, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. When you add that to my sisters brain tumor and cancer, that’s a lot of medical stuff happening in my family at one time. Your prayers are coveted. I think I’m still learning how to process this kind of stuff.
• My parents are here currently and will be through Tuesday or Wednesday. It’s just good to have them around. I miss them terribly. Fortunately their move to Oregon will make visiting the family easier since my sister and fam are there too.
• Personally, God is determined to squash my pride: through books, friends, work, teachings and even this blog. When you start assessing how and why you do the things you do, it forces you to question intentions, motivations and purpose. I can’t say that I’m through it by any means…but I’m moving forward, at the least
• We have the opportunity to build a new house again…in some ways we would be stupid not to. However, just because the door is open, doesn’t mean you walk through it. Deliberating this one still.
• I’ve begun working on a project that I can’t openly talk about yet. I’m very excited about it, but I’m definitely in over my head…which is exactly where I like to be. The challenge pushes me beyond my limits and challenges me to reach for things that would ordinarily seem out of reach. More on this later.
• Our church small group is multiplying this month which leaves us on the hunt for another small group home. So, we’ll either: go with one of the two leaders, move to another already existing group or start our own (if that’s an option)?
• My sister had a PET scan on Friday and an MRI tomorrow. My dad has his PET scan this week (we think). Your prayers and thoughts are appreciated. We’re ready for some good news

So my wife is pregnant (thank you…thank you). While this is our second pregnancy, I still laugh out loud when I hear or read a story of a man…simply not thinking.

A fellow Twitterer (@secretlifeofkat) and blog reader friend, Kat, is freakin’ hilarious. If you need a laugh go here and read—now! And if you act now, she’ll throw in these simple words of advice…

If you are a man talking to a pregnant woman. There are two phrases that are safe to say:

1. You’re going to be a great mom.
2. You look great.

Don’t elaborate. Don’t comment. Just leave it there. Otherwise, bring your shovel.

Also, check this out…

• The Grocery Store with Children Challenge

Don’t be a stranger. Post a comment. She’ll hit you back…right Kat!?!

Every morning, I awake, brew a 1/2 pot of coffee, and I partake.

About every night, I pour a glass of wine or a nice cold lager, and I partake.

My wife can’t resist but to point out what is becoming an obvious fact…every morning I drink coffee to stimulate my mind/body, and almost every night I drink an adult beverage to relax it.

Talk about a guile cycle of ups and downs…and yet tomorrow…

…I’ll partake.

Anyone else?

Thanks to Chuck Wilson for this nugget of wisdom today. It resonates today for some reason.

They say, that behind every good man, is an even better woman. For as much as I strive to be the best man I can be, the truth is, I wouldn’t be half of what I am today if I didn’t have Kristy. She is my best friend, confidant, biggest fan, mother of my children and most importantly, my wife.

While today’s culture strives to find strength in the uncommitted lover, nothing will ever replace the wealth and depth of love that comes from someone whose committed to you forever; where a vow isn’t something you say today and let go of tomorrow; where you live in and out of the feelings of forevermore. It’s there that your joy is full, complete, and overflowing.

My wife is the best gift I’ve ever been given.

Her humor brings me delight. Her smile brings me joy. Her beauty draws me closer. Her heart brings inspiration. Her intelligence spurs me on to greater depths. Her perspective changes mine. Her wittiness keeps me on my toes. Her presence brings me peace. Her smell stops me in my tracks. Her touch gives me goose bumps. Her laughter begs me to laugh with her. Her desire to be the best, motivates me to go the extra mile. Her eyes lure me in. Her kiss heightens my senses. Her life is my destiny. For all of these things, any many, many more, I will be her man, her husband, her best friend, the father of her children and her sweet old lover.

I love you baby.

I was going through some recent pictures of Savannah, my 11-month old, tonight and found some gems. Here are a few. You can see the rest here.

8:15pm: I kissed my wife goodbye as she got in the car to go home. My buddy, Jim Cowart, and I were in the middle of an interesting conversation about politics and government. I told Kristy that I’d wrap it up in 10 to 15 minutes. We were no where close to ending the topic of discussion.

9:42pm: Still talking. Jim’s wife calls. He answers—on speaker phone. All I could hear was the tone in Stephanie’s voice. It didn’t matter what she said. What mattered was, he was late getting home. I hung in suspense as I watched Jim wiggle through the call. It was clear that he made a mistake in not contacting his wife…until she said, “Kristy just called me looking for Kyle…” —oh no.

9:44pm: Whip the phone out of my back pocket like a cowboy drawing his six-shooter. I’ve missed two calls and a text message—oh no.

9:45pm: “Hi babe…” That’s all I got to say before I too, got an earful.

What proceeded to come out of my wife’s mouth for the next few minutes was motivated out of pure concern and worry. I had told her I’d be home and I wasn’t. Her frustration and worry was well deserved. However, out of the frustration came a couple of really funny comments.

Kristy: Have you solved the world’s problems yet?
Kyle: We’re about to. I think we’re getting close.
Kristy: Well good, because you’re gonna have some more to deal with when you get home!

A minute later…

Kyle: Do you want me to bring some chocolate home? Would that make you feel better?
Kristy: You better bring something good home!

In 2002, my wife and I relocated to Orlando, FL to be part of the launch team for Relevant Media Group. There, I spent 4.5 years targeting, reaching and retaining the 18-34 demographic. It wasn’t easy, but it was fun and challenging. It was there that I was awakened to one of my primary goals in life; pointing my generation back to Christ.

Barna Group reported in 2003 that an alarming 58% of twentysomethings who were active church-goers as teenagers will no longer be active in a church by their 30th birthday (Barna 2003). This has been and still is, the fuel for the above mentioned goal. It is my desire that if/when Barna does this same study again that number decreases to less than 50%. Consider this one of my “big hairy audacious goals!”

A couple of weeks ago, Motiveight took on a new client that has me turning my focus to the 18-34 demographic again. This opportunity has re-awakened my “BHAG.”

One of the major advantages I have, this time around, is access to a plethora of statistics and research. The project that we are embarking on is for the long haul. Given that, I thought that I would document here what the current pulse of the 18-34 demo is according to recent MRI reports. Here’s what we can expect from this group:

• They are more likely, than the average, to be “very liberal” and less likely to be “very conservative.”
• Only 25% of them vote
• They not very interested in environmental causes
• They like to watch: Adult Swim (#1), BET, Comedy Central, MTV, TBS, TLC and VH-1, to name a few. They are less likely to watch the news and weather
• They are less likely to feel that there is too much sex on TV
• They love to show off (rated ridiculously high on this one—almost 2x more likely than the average American)
• They consider themselves more fashionable than others
• They love concerts, clubs/bars, chess (who would have thought!), billiards, dancing, electronic games, video games (#1), karaoke, comic books and fantasy sports leagues (#2)
• They don’t like: birdwatching (can you blame them), attending classical/opera performances, woodworking, book clubs, or live theater
• Favorite sites: Wikipedia, MTV.com, ticketmaster, Monster.com, Yahoo news, Amazon.com eBay, Facebook (#1), Myspace and YouTube

Regarding Religion:

• They are less likely to believe in creationism, believe the Bible literally, give to religious organizations or to support prayer in schools

It’s safe to say that this information isn’t too surprising. However, if you’re interested in the 18-34 demo like I am, the journey ahead is going to require unparalleled creativity and wisdom. This generation will not give room for copycats. We have no choice but to be fresh, provoking and revolutionaries.

Are you surprised by what you just read?