A lot has happened over the past month or so. Here’s a quick rundown of what’s happened…

> Kristy and I found out on 30 November that we’re pregnant. However on the 19 December, we were told that our pregnancy was at risk. the long story short, we have what they call a “blighted ovum” or a “early pregnancy failure.” It happens when a fertilized egg implants in the uterus but the resulting embryo either stops developing very early or doesn’t form at all. Of course we were devestated at the news. It was hard to know what to think. Because we had been trying for about three years, there was a huge relief when we found out we were pregnant. I don’t think that anybody expected this kind of outcome. Honestly, it’s still hard to know what to believe for. Medically, the reason for this is that the womans body knows that something is defninetly not right in the chromosonal makeup of the baby so it automatically stops developing. So on one hand, I’m thankful for the ability to recognize and save a baby from the unknown. On the other, I’d love that baby regardless. At this point, the pregnancy isn’t over until it’s “over.” Right now, only an ultrasound is pointing to the failure. Not Kristy’s body. —It’s all a little weird still.

On a similar note, there’s been a lot of people who have been involved in our process. We knew that through it all this would/could be easy or hard. This complication has been hard and thus it leaves most people wondering how to respond. Here is some help. We don’t really want to talk about the details right now. It’s still confusing to us. Our doctor is saying one thing. Kristy’s body is doing another. We are in a waiting game. Although we realize that the chances are slim, we’re still not certain about anything yet. So simply saying “I’m sorry” or “I just don’t know what to say” really is suffice. Pep talks aren’t good. We know that we can get pregnant and aren’t questioning God’s call for us to have a baby or two or ???. I hope this helps. I know that it’ll help us.

> Kristy and I are celebrating Christmas with her family in Nashville this week. It’s been great. Because of other Christmas parties, it seems like this has been a week of Christmas. We’ve had several gift-opening experiences already so the anticipation of 25 December seems a little less than normal.

If I had $20 for everytime we all said or wished my parents were here in Nashville rather than in Texas, we could have bought them tickets. We miss you mom and dad. We all—Keith, Sharry, Tara, Kristy and I—wish you two were here with us. It sucks knowing that you’re without your kids…at least one of them…this year. Let’s not do this again, okay!

Our time with the Kitchell’s is always good. Since we found out on Monday about the baby, it’s was nice to be able to leave and come “home” to people that love you more than you’ll ever know.

> After six years, Kristy and I finally got our own bedroom suite for the master bedroom. Click here to see it.

> At the recent RELEVANT door decorating contest, Kristy and I worked hard on an kick-butt Elf door and won. See it here. Because of the win, we won a 60GB Video iPod. Yeah, I’m a happy man.

> 2006 is going to be a good year. I can feel it already.

It’s been quite awhile since my last posting. Honestly, I’ve questions whether I want to keep this thing alive. I think the intentions of the blog are more real than the actuality. Unfortunately, this isn’t a place to be really honest. Nor is it a safe place to talk about everything that’s on my mind. Because the nature of the written word doesn’t allow you to express feelings and intent…unless you write about them…the words of this page are left to interpretation which is flat-out dangerous and possibly irresponsible by the writer—me. None-the-less, it provides an opportunity to let people see inside the life of those who are “too busy” to reach out to everybody they’d like to say hello to on occassion. So whether I write once or twice over the next six months, it doesn’t really matter. But know that I intend to write something about something, someone, or myself. After all, isn’t this an exercise in being vulnerable, even if it’s somewhat anonymous?

I absolutely adore my wife!

Tonight at 10pm I got a call from my family informing me that they finally talked to the surgeon and she is extremely pleased with outcome of the surgery. She did say that there was more tumor than expected, but she said that it still seems to be non-malignant (non cancerous). Earlier this year, her tumor was upgraded from a grade 2 to a 3 (out of 4) but the doctor said that after looking at it, she didn’t think it was a 3, but only a 2. Overall, it’s a good…no GREAT report. The surgery took an unbelievable 7+ hours. As I write, she’s in intensive care and will be until tomorrow. They expect that she’ll be able to go home to Oregon on Monday or Tuesday. They also expect to get results back from the biopsy around the same time which will confirm that the tumor is or isn’t cancerous.

Thank you SO MUCH for all of your prayers and support today.

Charysse just got called into surgery. It starts at 10:30am EST.
It’s mom’s birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!

Tomorrow morning at 7:30/10:30am EST, my sister is headed into brain surgery to remove the remnants of a brain tumor they discovered almost two years ago. By the time they’re done, the tumor will be gone!

Your prayers are coveted.

This past weekend, I did it. I graduated from my twenties and jumped, with both feet, into my thirties. Do I feel any different, who ever does on a birthday? But my head thinks I should feel differently. Some strange things have happened recently that makes me realize that I’ve entered a new decade…

…people call me old man now
…I forget words…like the ones you need when you’re in the
…I have an “over the hill” sign in my office
…the kids at work keep asking me the same question, “How does it feel to be thirty?” You think I’M getting old. They’re the ones asking me the same question over and over. Isn’t that a sign of

The weekend was a lot of fun. Definitely a memory that will last awhile; like forever. My wife’s parents and sister came in on Thursday. We picked Tara (sister) up and went to dinner at Universal’s Margaritaville. It was so fun to see her and get caught up. She’s an amazing girl walking through a tough stage of life. I’m proud of her persistence. — Anyway, the food was good but the lighting made everything look old and fuzzy. Kind of like the skin of a peach. Who cares. Kristy’s parents came in later that night. It was good to see them as well. I feel blessed to have them as family. You should be jealous! Okay…maybe I would be jealous if I didn’t have them as my inlaws.

The next day i had to go off to work while my wife and family feverishly worked on my surprise party. By the way, a little word of advice, DO NOT, EVER, ASK QUESTIONS AROUND YOUR BIRTHDAY. Yeah, I was an idiot and asked if there was a party being planned. So, do you ever have that regretful experience of saying something and suddenly wishing you could somehow stop it halfway between your mouth and her ears? I haven’t either. I was just curious.

The party was fun. A lot of fun. Thank you to those who came to celebrate. Your presence there was special and meant a lot to me. We celebrated with food, fun, friends, family, foccacia bread, feastly spreads, fun-drinks (thanks David) and a lot of food (how did you like all of those f-words?). The presents were nice. Here’s a quick run down of the gifts that were bestowed upon me: Acoustic guitar, coffee machine, iTunes gift cards, movie passes, Starbucks gift cards, money, watch, balloons, clothes, shoes, and an amazing scrapbook/photo album that my mom put together for me. It has all of my birthday’s from day one until i graduated from college. Pretty amazing that she had a lot of the birthday cards, pictures and other memorbilia still.

My parents arrived a little after the party started. It was so good to have them in our home. I don’t get that priviledge very often. Funny how family motivates you to make your house more of a home…especially when you want to show your parents that they did a good job teaching you how to be a man and a husband. Thanks mom and dad for coming. It meant the world to me!

The rest of the weekend flew by. Before we knew it, we were schedule trips to the airport. Oh well…it was a good weekend. One that I’ll remember for my entire life.

Tonight, I experienced a strange sort of events. While attending the “Collision Tour” with David Crowder, Shane & Shane and Robbie Seay, each band, at some point during their set, mentioned that they had lost a dear friend today. It was unexpected and quite frankly, took them all by surprise. Personally, this didn’t have much affect on me except that I was sorry for their loss and knew it must be tough for them to go on. But my own questions came: Who was this person? Did they really know him/her well or was this person just an acquaintance? The music kept going and so did my enjoyment. I lost my sensitivity of the death to the rhythmic chants of some the most amazing worship leaders of our time. I had forgotten about the tragedy of the day until I heard David Crowder say, “I guess this is just a small piece of Kyle’s legacy…” WHAT! Kyle. Surely not the Kyle that I know. Surely not the Kyle that I conversed with just last week. Surely not that Kyle.

Thoughts, concerns, more questions all shot through my head in a moment. Suddenly nothing about Amazing Grace could capture my attention. I was too concerned…too focused on my connection to this man…to this death. And now what? I didn’t know. I found myself agitated by the slightest insensitiveness from the people around me. I still didn’t know for sure, but it was a 99% chance that this man was our friend and Relevant Books author, Kyle Lake. Pastor of University Baptist Church in Waco, TX. Home of the David Crowder Band.

And now you see the connection.

Life come and life goes. The hard part is trying to figure out when you’re time’s up. Some people get the honor and pleasure of living a full life. They know when their time is up because they’re awake to take their final breath. Some lives are cut short with no warning. It catches us all off guard. The strange part is, somehow we all feel a little invincible from His timing. Yeah, His timing.

Although the life and legacy that Kyle Lake brought to this world will never be forgotten, you can’t help but ask the question, why him? Why a pastor of growing church with a wife and three young children? It’s seems unfair…even a mistake. I wouldn’t think that God would choose someone like him now—but He did. I don’t get it, but He did.

For those who have gone through these trials, I applaud you for coming out stronger on the other side. For those who are going through this now, embrace the process and feel the pain of your loss. For me, I’ll go through my process…somewhat pensive, contemplative and asking questions. But the one question I can’t seem to get off my mind is this:

What would I do today if I knew that it would all end tomorrow?

CINDY SHEHAN IS OUT OF THE NEWS!

heck yeah sweet!

Some random news…

> Hurricane Wilma passed us just to the south of Orlando but a bunch of people got the day off. I started with a day off but got called in at 2. That was kind of disappointing…not so much that I had to go in…it was a logical decision but that I had wrapped the day up in my mind as something completely different and did not include work.

> Last week was full of sickness and antibiotics. When it comes down to it, I got strep. I don’t have strep now.

> I’m turning 30 in less than two weeks. that means three things: 1. my family (both sets of parents and Tara) are coming to celebrate. 2. I’m turning 30. 3. I’m saying goodbye to my 20’s. I actually surprise myself how excited I am about saying goodbye to my 20’s. They were good, but I think the 30’s are going to be better. — remember that one prayer I had when I was 15…all I wanted was God to give me some time so I could drive by myself and a wife so I could experience sex. Hmm…that was 15 years ago. And THAT’S when I start to think I might be getting old.

> What I appreciated about today: Me and God had a good time today–oh and my friend, Rob Sperti, brought me a huge diet coke and Milk duds at work today. that was cool. Acts of Service!

> kristy and I discovered that we are in the “summer” season of marriage right now.

> I’m still thinking about Darfur. New website > www.savedarfur.org

> A LOT of transition at work right now. Hiring a lot of people. Not exactly sure how it will all play out. I just know that I’ve been sick 5 times this year and that’s got to be due to too many late nights and stress. One thing I do know, when approaching 30, you begin to reassess how much of your life you give towards something that in the end, is still a job. God, Family, friends, hobbies…these are the things that provide a healthy balance to a demanding career. The question is, am I at a healthy balance?

> Been thinking a lot about legacy today. What is my legacy? what impact am I personally having on culture, friends, family, and the world around me?

> Going to Tampa tomorrow. Looking forward to some alone time in the truck. time to think, pray and get caught up on some bible “reading.”

> I want to be a dad.

good night.