Over the past few months I have become more deliberate in how I utilize social networking because I began to realize that there was something more to it than gaining “friends” and “followers.”

If you look at it from a different perspective, you’ll start to notice that these networks can become one of the best tools the web has to offer. In fact, for me, social networking has become an invaluable set of tools; each serving a very specific purpose. For example:

• My Blog [ subscribe ] - I utilize this format to write out my thoughts on being a dad, husband, business owner and student of Christ.
• Facebook - This service helps me find old friends, keep in touch with family, network with business contacts and have “presence” with all of the above.
• LinkedIn often comes in handy. Why? If you can build a big enough network, you can find just about anybody. This is especially useful when you need the specific name of someone to aid in prospecting a client, asking a question or even submitting a complaint.
• Twitter is my favorite. Of all the social networks out there, Twitter does for me what none of the others have done yet: it connects me with people in real time. Furthermore, I can honestly say that Twitter has done more to extend my “network” than any of the others, combined. And when I say “network,” I mean meeting new people I want to meet.

Through all of these social networks, I have discovered new people who are experiencing life in ways that I will never be able to. Because of my “friends” willingness to update their status’, post a blog, add pictures, or simply write a short note on my “wall,” I am given permission to watch what’s going on, see who they are interested in and peek into life, as they know and share it.

However, the biggest surprise I’ve found in social networking? Unintentional mentors. These are the “friends” that I assimilate clues, patterns, tips and nuggets of wisdom from, on a regular basis. They are people who model aspects of life I strive for, who lead the way in my entrepreneurial space and who have the perspective of God that I deeply desire.

If you’re like me and you recognize that there are life lesson and experience gaps in your thinking and worldviews, then you understand the paramount need to learn as much as you can. While my personal pursuit for a face to face mentor hasn’t been as successful as I would like it to be, believe it or not, social networking, specifically Twitter, is beginning to meet my needs.

Rather than leaving this theoretical, I’d like to introduce some fellow “friends” that you might be interested in:

• Michael Hyatt [ Blog | Twitter ] is perhaps, the most inspiring and influential person I follow. In fact, I would say that I’ve learned more in the past six months from him, than anyone else in my social network.
• Phil Cooke [ Blog ] says it like it is. He offers a great perspective on faith, culture and media that I enjoy reading. He inspires me to become more bold.
• Cara Davis [ Blog | Twitter ] - This girl is the blogging queen. She simultaneously contributes to 5-6 blogs on a regular basis while working and being a mom of a toddler. She inspires me to stick with the day-to-day, even when it may not look like it’s making a difference.
• Seth Godin [ Blog ] writes a blog post almost daily. Each entry offers a paradigm shift, if you’ll let it. This makes me want to write better.

There are scores of other people that I could mention that would fit the description of “inspiring,” but the people above are those that I don’t let a Twitter or a blog post go by without reading it. They, like the thousands of others, have something unique to offer.

Social networking can you be your “friend” and it can be one of the greatest tools you’ll ever use. Like everything else, it’s up to you to make the most out of it.

For those of you who are right there with me, who are your unintentional mentors? I’d like to add to my “friends.”

One of my favorite things about the TV is it’s ability to tell stories. If you know me at all, you know that movies based on a true story are something that have always gravitated to. That’s why Schinder’s List is one of my all time favorite movies. Not because it tells a heart warming story, but because it tells of something that I’ll never hear about first hand.

God Grew Tired of Us is a fascinating story about the 25,000 boys that fled from the Sudan government to save their lives. By the time the Lost Boys of Sudan found their way into Kenya, there were only 10,000 that remained. The rest simply didn’t make it. The documentary is a two-part story: the first is about who the Lost Boys of Sudan are, and the second is that of three boys journey to restart their lives in the US.

From light switches, refrigerators, running water, air planes, to the grocery store, the documentary reveals their first encounters with what we know to be normal. While that is fascinating, what captures your attention is their first hand perspective on differences in each culture.To give you a sense, one of the boys had this to say about Christmas.

“I wish someone could explain to me who this Santa Claus is. Is he in the Bible? How does he welcome the birth of Christ?”

Obviously very confused, he goes on to say,

“This tree is very nice, very beautiful, but I do not understand what it has to do with Christmas.”

The documentary is full of this dialogue and it challenges me to not just notice the differences, but question if my commitment to what they declared as abnormal, should remain my normal.

I highly recommend that you check out this documentary. It’s well worth the 89 minutes.

So, they say that the first step to overcoming your addictions is to admit your problem and seek help. So here I go…

“My name is Kyle Chowning, and I have a problem with compofectionism.”

When I was in school, I had teachers who consistently told me that my writing was awkward and not creative enough. Just like anything else, if you listen to the message long enough, you believe what you are told. Unfortunately, a decade or two later, I still believe them.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve been able to look back and understand that my teachers weren’t necessarily wrong, they simply didn’t help me resolve my writing deficiencies. The good news is, I want to write. The problem is, when I put my fingers to the keyboard, I experience what I call compofectionism (composition + perfectionism = compofectionism). I define it as “the refusal to accept any writing short of perfection.” That drive for perfection and my fear of failing consistently terminates my enthusiasm and I move on to something different. Bleh.

Let me be clear that this post is not a plea for commendations.

Here’s what I want to know:

1. What was the best writing advice you were ever given?
2. What is the best way you get over your compofectionism?

Write on!

In 9th grade, my creative writing teacher engrained in me that I should write every day because it would make me a better writer and also serve as a journal throughout my life. So, I did. Everyday, we were forced to write for seven minutes.

Fast foward X years (who really cares how many that was now), and it’s like I’m back in the 9th grade again. At a time in my life where milestones and memories are happening literally every day, the voice of my teacher is back in my head, but turned up a few notches.

Tonight, I challenged my wife to a 30-day blogging challenge. Being that I’ve talked of this being a blog of good intentions in the past, perhaps the challenge competition with my wife will spur on new creativity and new discipline to do something that I’d really like to have in twenty years; a journal.

Don’t expect the creativity of Seth Godin, the leadership astuteness of Michael Hyatt, the frequency of Cara Davis or the spiritual depth and understanding of Boothe Farley. While I admire them all as bloggers, what you get here is likely a mix of entrepreneurism, fatherhood, husbandry, spirituality and some random adventures. If you like what you read, I welcome your comments, subscription to my RSS feed or you can follow me on Twitter. If you don’t, check out my wife’s blog. She’s much more intelligent, funny and insightful. Plus, she’s way better looking than I am.

I took a test, thanks to a link from my buddy Shawn Stewart, about my political positioning. Let’s just say, I agree with what my results are, but I was shocked at who I lined up with. Here are my results:

You are a Social Moderate (56% permissive) and an… Economic Liberal (33% permissive) You are best described as a: Centrist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

Here’s what famous people I line up with (allegedly):

What is your political stance?

Kristy and I ventured off to the doctors today for another appointment. On the way, we had what’s become a familiar and frequent conversation; the “what do you think it’s going to be?” one. Then inevitably, the question of name comes up. I’m stuck. I can think of a bunch of girl names I like but not so much with the boy. I often chose to opt-out of the conversation. Since the gender is unknown, the conversation is pointless…until today.

In case your wondering what you’re looking at, just look in the middle. Those are two legs and a…yup. You guessed it. No shame in his game.

While it’s fun to think about having another baby, when I found out that it was a boy, it immediately felt different than with Savannah. Here’s why:

• He’ll learn what being a man means from me, and sometimes it won’t be by what I say
• He’ll watch and learn of my weaknesses; which will give him the desire to be different and better, but not in a “dad you suck” kind of way
• His perspective of God, the ultimate “Father” will be molded by me, his earthly father
• His drive and ambition will be directed by what he sees in me…even when I work late into the evening
• His love and respect for women will be developed by how I respect, love and cherish both Kristy and Savannah; nobody else will have more influence regarding this, than me
• What’s important to me, will be important to him … even I don’t see it until he’s 32
• Finally, my branch of the Chowning name will live on another generation

January 17, 2009, here we come!

Given that I do marketing for a living, I’ve been interested and at times, fascinated at Obama’s ability to use the wide range of marketing tools to his benefit for his Presidential campaign. Of course, he’s working with a dream budget but that’s besides the point.

In an innovative and very “personal” move, Obama announced that he would announce his VP nomination via text message to his supporters before he told the press.

At 11:50p, CNN breaking news sent me a text message:

“CNN confirms Sen. Barack Obama has chosen Delaweare Sen. Joe Biden to be his vice-presidential running mate.”

It’s 11:58pm … I still haven’t seen a text message from the Obama camp.

There’s been questions whether Obama’s effort to hold out on revealing the VP pick would hurt him, I doubt it. But now he has to answer for why he promised that the people would be the first to know, and we’re not. While CNN likely leaked the news, Obama’s camp should have known and anticipated as such.

The truth is, there is no way Obama could have accomplished what he claimed to do. When you consider how fast news travels, thanks to tools like Twitter, he didn’t have a chance to live up to his commitment.

Considering the impossibility of the promise, it makes me wonder about the rest of what he’s promising. Does he really know what he’s committing to?

Barack has chosen Senator Joe Biden to be our VP nominee. Watch the frist Obama-Biden rally live at 3pm ET on www.BarackObama.com. Spread the word!

Again, from a marketing standpoint, the language is worth noting:

• He’s referenced on a first name basis. A sign of personal friendship. (Remember when your parents required you to call people Mr. and Mrs. out of respect?
• They used “our,” not “his” VP nominee when referring to Senator Biden

Kudos to Obama’s campaign for being deliberate in positioning him as the peoples candidate. While it makes people believe that they are involved, the truth is, Americans won’t have anymore say this election than previous. The question is, will Obama’s approach really make a positive difference or is it a self-fulling prophecy?

I’ve been changed by a story about a man; at least that’s what people think he was. His work, his words…everything he did, made those around him stand back in wonder.

I watched him interact with grace even though he was often misunderstood. How could he not be? The world around him had made so many assumptions about the way things should be, that what was normal, wasn’t really normal. The people were so comfortable in their ways. In fact, they just didn’t think they were right…they knew it. Even when they were challenged, it didn’t matter. What they believed was untouchable. Yet, it didn’t seem to change his course. He never gave up or gave in. He always carried on.

Sometimes, when we would sit and watch together, we would see the same thing, yet he saw it differently. And when we would listen, he heard it differently too. What was amazing was that he seemed to be able to take this gift and make people feel loved, heard, understood and most importantly, important. While he spoke candidly, his words seemed to be met with an open mind. How? Why? Why would people continue to listen to this man?

Moreover, through misunderstanding and judgment, he always loved. So much so, that he would go out of his way to make sure that everyone knew of it.

Remember that he saw what they didn’t see and heard what they didn’t hear? Yeah…his ability to make things plain as day opened people up to the mysteries of life. They found understanding. They found meaning. They found life.

It is my life’s goal to be like this man…to stay alert with my eyes wide open…to live in gratitude for the opportunities that I’ve been given..to persistently seek the creativity that reveals mysteries…to work tirelessly to look beyond my challenges and see the endless possibilities. It is my hope that everything I do will work to make the mysteries of life, as plain as day to all those I encounter.

I dedicate myself to actively use my eyes and ears as I live and work around people; being careful not to overlook the details; making the most of every situation. I will strive to always be welcoming, encouraging and intentional in everything that’s said with the purpose to bring out the best, not the worst, in others.

This life isn’t a burden, but an assignment. I look forward to exploring its creativity with you.

Kyle

I find that my criticism is a persistent little pest. It crept up, without hesitation, too many times today. It’s apparent to me that my pride isn’t just going to go away, I’m going to have to work through it. Let’s start with…

Work

I’m a business owner. The company is now in it’s third year after celebrating the two-year mark on July 1, 2008. While this is a success in and of itself, about every three-to-four months, I get in a funk. And when I say a funk, I mean that I’m moody, dissatisfied and generally frustrated…with a lot of things. This is prime time for my criticism to step in. For some reason, it feels justified.

After going through three notable funks, I’ve only been able to conclude that I want what the “successful” guys have. I look at the “Top 30 under 30″ and my name isn’t there. I look at guys who are “making their mark” and wonder why I’m spinning my wheels. I look for “inspiration” from their blogs or the “top” whatever lists and stir in my frustration that I’m not doing a thing to reach this level. The cycle of jealously is a never ending circle that I jump into with both feet in hopes that it will spur me on to even more success. But, it never satisfies. I still get funky.

The other day, a guy stopped by my office to do some freelance work for us. After chatting a bit, I questioned his rates. I told him that he was undervaluing himself and that he needed to raise his rates. He reacted by saying, “how can I raise my rates if I’m not getting the opportunity to send a quote?”

After he left, my thoughts were arrested. How could I be so … ungrateful. At Motiveight, is seems like we are always tracking down new opportunities. Even recently, we’ve been fortunate to submit proposals to great companies like Inspiration Networks, CompuPay, Willow Creek Association and others. It was then that I realized that this guy would kill to be in my shoes and here I sat ungrateful because I don’t have what these other “successful” guys have.

CS Lewis says, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.”

OUCH!

The more I search, the more I find that pride and joy are mutually exclusive. If I want one, I have to give up the other.

Once I found out that I was going to be a dad, it seemed that parents couldn’t resist the urge to tell me how I would draw spiritual principles from watching my child grow up. I have to admit, I really liked the idea.

Over the past year, I’ve watched Savannah grow and have found myself intentionally looking for lessons to be learned. I’d like to offer dozens of insights gleaned throughout the past year, but I have nothing…until now.

Recently, I rolled a small ball to Savannah’s lap. She promptly scooped it up, held it tightly, looked at me and gave me a squishy face smile that would cause anybody to laugh out loud in response. She loved the ball, she loved the game, she loved that moment. I looked at Kristy and said, “what would life be like if we had the joy of a child.” And there it was.

It’s been weeks since then. I can’t seem to get away from it. It chases me, haunts me and tempts me to look at things differently…but I can’t; at least not yet. Best I can tell, to be that joyful requires me to see the best in everything and everybody. If I am honest, I’ve created quite a concrete perspective in looking at things critically. That’s my gift…at least I thought. Today, I learned that it’s not my gift…it’s my pride. No wonder I don’t see things like a child. Rather than looking at the fullness that life has to offer, I choose to focus on the improvements that life could bring. Where’s the joy in that?

I want, nothing more, than move beyond the criticism and into the fullness of joy. It just seems more fun.

What about you?